False Faces

A Happy Sideboard

I found this article today, not that there was anything particularly deep in it – it’s the part of the BBC that’s aimed at younger consumers – but because this started to become a prompt for future poems about a month ago, when I started noting down the faces/images I perceive.


I’ve got a wonderful flowery duvet cover packed full of interesting faces or shapes including a canine pirate, an opera singer and a blood red rabbit on a broomstick heading straight for the void. But for now, it’s a work in progress.

This morning I saw a beautiful panther in the bathroom tiles, a reflection of the top layer of the open wash basket.

And of course, I can always rely on the sideboard drawers to cheer me up!

If you have any of your own, I would be delighted to hear.

Feedback please

I’ve written quite a few limericks now, but I’m not sure if they are any good or not. With a lot of them I’ve gotten into the habit of using puns. Finding place names is sometimes a step too difficult. I’m not sure wether to carry in or stop, so feedback would be welcome. Thank you.

Limerick Samples

Our new striker promised to enthral

But it seems there’s no promise at all

We made a big error

Signing Cinderella

She keeps running away from the ball

A great tennis player named Hugh

Found his girl feeling teary and blue

She cried ‘I’m really upset

Cos I’m finding as yet

That the word love means nothing to you’

I’ve just left the garage in a flounder

The mechanic’s a bit of a bounder

He can’t fix my brakes

So to keep me from scrapes

He’s made the horn sound twice as louder

While driving from Cambridge to Brighton

The traffic news cared to enlighten

‘A truck heading to Dover

Has spilled onions all over

So use the hard shoulder to cry on’

Although the young lookout’s voice boomed

The two large cargo boats fates were doomed

And their paint red and blue

Into a slick grew

The unfortunate crews were marooned

On a journey back home to Sidcup

I stopped at a cheap petrol pump

A man started crying

And I couldn’t stop prying

But he said he was just filling up

I was sat with a girlfriend today

We were watching the film Cabaret

She, seemingly, bolder

Placed her head on my shoulder

I was shocked to find it came away

I was hiking with my mate called Billy

And the terrain had been very hilly

After we stopped for a brew

He headed South of Peru

I said ‘no way, it’s getting too Chile’

My friend just called in to say ‘Hi’

‘I’ve not seen you’ he said with a sigh

‘I’ve been laid up in bed

With fever, aches and bad head

To be honest the time just flu by’

My wife’s banished me to our backyards

My relationship’s broken in shards

She wanted something with diamonds

So I went into Ryman’s

And bought her a new pack of cards

I just stayed with my folks in Wembley

I found stuff from 1983

My old uni robe

And a luminous globe

That once meant the whole world to me

At a recent alumni parade

I was asked what I did to get paid

When I told every person

I’m a cosmetic surgeon

I could see a few eyebrows were raised